Looking forward to seeing the photo's of your adventures in the wilderness
...Haaaang on. I've seen through the charade!
You've hung-up yer gaming hat, and yer off into the woods to play Day-Z for real
Remember if you hear a bush with a friendly English voice tell you to put down your axe, do as it says. It'll probably be Frankie
I can see it now...
You'll be there on a ridge, surveying the view.
With a furrowed-brow, a little gasp escapes from your lips.
"No way!" you mutter.
Concerned, your wife leans towards you, straining to see what you have spotted across the valley.
"What? What can you see?"
Turning to her, you hold out your trusty hunting-knife.
"You're going to need this" you say.
With a trembling hand she takes the knife, and stares at it.
"Oh Lord no! Is it a bear ? Is it coming this way?" she exclaims (with that shaky-shrill voice you get, just as you wonder if you have spare underwear).
"Noooo, way better than that !" you say with a big smile.
Looking puzzled, she stutters;
"B,better,bear,better...what ?"
"It looks like a chopper crash site about 2 klicks away" you explain, now positively beaming with joy.
Squinting at you and shaking her head, she says;
"So you want me to protect myself from...a..um, well a dead helicopter that is very far away?"
Now you look as puzzled as your wife, and say;
"Don't be ridiculous. No that would be silly, you'll have to protect me."
Closing her eyes and shaking her head again, she struggles to speak;
"but,I....What?"
Shrugging your shoulders, you reply;
"That's where all the best stuff spawns. You'll have to keep the Zeds off my back, while I loot the wreckage. Your bambi-pack is to small to fit anything useful, and I'll need at least 8 slots if find a really big gun."
Silence follows for a moment, as your wife looks incredulously at first you, then the knife still in her shaking hand, then finally at the plate of (now cold) beans and sausages, held patiently in her other hand all this time.
If anyone sees Kelly's Facebook status change to "Kelly is hungry in the woods, wearing beans" you know what happened