Dirty jokes with no bad words...

[Hermskii]

OK, this will likely be the first thread I ever have to delete or moderate to the point it isn't worth having but here it goes: A topic about jokes that don't actually have any bad words or descriptive enough words to be down-right dirty. I'll start it with this one:

"Morning Sex"

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual
Soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only
The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said
Softly," You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming
Or this is going to be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then
Gave it my all; right there on the kitchen, table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove,
Her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

[*POTS*]

Replacement for the stock UT Female Bot:

Code: Select all

[FemBotv1beta1.PotsBaseMutator]
bEnabled=True
bAllowFakeNicking=False
bCanBotherYouDuringTheGame=True
bCanBurnYourMeal=True
bCanCheatOnYou=False
bCanHideFoodBeforeYouCanCatchHer=True
bCanStealYourCreditCard=True
bCanSwitchOffYourPCWhenYouAreAFK=True
bCanTwistWordsSoYouAppearToBeGuiltyEvenIfYouAreNot=True
bHasAFacebookAccount=True
bHasSeenTwilightForThe239thTime=False // only for the 238th time
bIsOnADiet=False
bIsRightEvenIfSheIsWrong=True
bIsUsuallyIdle=True

[FemBotv1beta1.CombatStyle]
bCanDrownKill=True
bCanSpamKill=False
bCanSpawnKill=False
bCanTrampleKill=True
bCanTypeKill=True
bComboZombie=False
bFlakMonkey=True
bIsMean=False
bIsMistress=True
CatFighting=1.000000 // min=-1, max=1
Crankiness=-0.20000 // min=-1, max=1
DirtyFighting=0.500000 // min=-1, max=1
Kinkiness=0.50000 // min=-1, max=1
LowBlow=-0.750000 // min=-1, max=1
Moodiness=0.250000 // min=-1, max=1
MudFighting=-1.0000 // min=-1, max=1
NailScratch=1.000000 // min=-1, max=1

[FemBotv1beta1.FBTimer]
BRBtime=9999 // time it takes her to return playing the game, in Light Years
PMStime=30 // PMS cycle in game minutes, set to 0 for permanent effect ;)

[FemBotv1beta1.Skin]
bIsOriginal=True
bJenniferTillyClone=False
bMargaretThatcherClone=False
bNextdoorGirlClone=False
Attributes=3.000000 // breast size; min is 1, max is 5
EyeColor=(R=0,G=0,B=16,A=0)
HairColor=(R=16,G=16,B=0,A=0)
HeelHeight=3.000000 // 1 for low heels, 5 for high heels
PawnScale=1.000000 // 0 is skinny, 2 is phat

[FemBotv1beta1.SpeechTaunts]
Taunt[0]=:o
Taunt[1]=awww
Taunt[2]=blah!
Taunt[3]=brb
Taunt[4]=ewww
Taunt[5]=go play Cooking Mama!
Taunt[6]=honey you should wash the dishes, mow down the lawn, take the rubbish out, take the dog out for a walk, brush your teeth...
Taunt[7]=hubby wants to make love brb
Taunt[8]=I actually have to pee but you'll never know so I just say "brb" for the 177th time in a row
Taunt[9]=I have a strong headache, the next time maybe
Taunt[10]=I'm gonna go shopping that's why I must go, byeee
Taunt[11]=NO you think like a birdbrained male, if a girl doesn't get too familiar with someone is a beeich, if she's kind she's an easy lay, and if she isn't game cause you misunderstood she returns being a beeich!
Taunt[12]=pretends to lose so you don't cry
Taunt[13]=the BIGGER they are, the HARDER they fall
Taunt[14]=ugh you guys are so frigging lame
Taunt[15]=Too bad, you forgot to push your "crouch" button...
TauntsCount=16

Disclaimer: any reference to real people, facts or whatsoever is merely accidental

[BIOMECH]

Ah, flawed genius!
Spice and Ice are going to kill you

How long did that take you to make?

[*POTS*]

Spice and Ice are going to kill you

Good, at least they will be forced to show up.

How long did that take you to make?

Made from scratch in an hour or so...

[Edit]
Added a disclaimer just in case...

[Hermskii]

Nice!