Any good/funny jokes?

[David]

A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before starting. "You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear." At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man's anus, and then licks it.
He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes silence, they follow suit.
"The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation: I stuck my middle finger into the corpse's anus, but I licked my index.

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"
The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made.."
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"
The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."

Chuck Norris jokes

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris........ After 5 days of extreme pain........ the snake died.

Chuck Norris found the Hidden Valley Ranch

America once tried to make a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take sh*t from nobody

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

When Chuck Norris runs backwards during a fight, it may seem like he's retreating.
He's not. He's just attacking from another direction.

Chuck Norris doesn't celebrate Xmas, Xmas celebrates Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris once beat the sun at a staring contest.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.

Chuck Norris makes onions CRY!!!

People have near-death experiences. Death has Near-Chuck-Norris experiences.

[Hermskii]

Hehehehe. Good ones!

[David]

I like this one track off of a Ron White CD. Sometimes, as today and yesterday (work wise), I feel like I wanted the plane crash and hit hard as he described. But the "sun will come out tomorrow"...or the next day or the day after next or.... whatever...

[David]

OK, here is an oldy but has some humor to it. This could be funny to those of us who are married or are in a committed relationship.

Man song.mp3

[Fuzz_Ball]

Not sure if this would go under "pets".
Funny stuff!

http://www.break.com/usercontent/2007/6 ... 08755.html

[Fuzz_Ball]

MEAT shows Klownz some new golf tips!
word

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfS-h96hOHI

Pardon me if I posted this already.

[MEAT]

Pardon me if I posted this already.

You're excused...but there is no way that's a real golf ball
being used and the guy hitting it is not a long drive champ.
Long drive champs are swinging the club upwards of 140-150 mph.
That means the ball is traveling at a speed of over 200 mph.
A golf ball traveling 200 mph from 10 feet away would leave a hole in you.
You could kill someone from that close.
Plus, no one is stupid enough to use a real golf ball.

[Fuzz_Ball]

Well, I'm sure you'll agree they're both idiots!!!

[MEAT]

Well, I'm sure you'll agree they're both idiots!!!

true...

I got hit once in the back from about 150 yards away.
It left about the same bruise that redneck kid had.
And a guy next to me once got hit in the head from
about 200 yards out...knocked him on his azz.
When I play now I'm always looking out for errant golf balls...

[David]

[Hermskii]

Sorry David. I'll call that weak. I could even come up with something that sounds more real and covers more legal rights while leaving enough of a loophole to get awat with smacking somebody often! Sorry.

[David]

Sorry David. I'll call that weak. I could even come up with something that sounds more real and covers more legal rights while leaving enough of a loophole to get awat with smacking somebody often! Sorry.

Well I thought that it had some humor. I found this, I did not make it, but ... you know what may funny or have some humor to one is not funny to another. It is all good.

[MEAT]

For those of you in need of answers:

http://lmgtfy.com/

[*POTS*]

Male or Female

Recently, a group of male computer scientists announced that computers, like
ships, should be referred to as female This is why:

1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate to other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else

3. The message "Bad command or file name" is about as informative as "If you
don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."

4. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later
retrieval.

5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half
your paycheck on accessories for it.

However another group of computer scientists (all female) think that computers
should be referred to as male.

1. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.

2. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are
the problem.

3. As soon as you commit to one you realise that, if you had waited a little
longer, you could have obtained a better model.

4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

5. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.

[BIOMECH]

With the exception of Male 4, they're all true!